The Thoughts of One Fool to Another
by Riia
Summary: "Lelouch. At first my heart hurt. It was hard, it was impossible, but I was found by someone. I loved you and part of me still does. But now I am living because of him". Spoilers for the end Complete Oneshot.


**A/N: At first this won't be KallenXGino fluff, more like a look on how Kallen feels and what happens after Lelouch does his stupid but successful suicide and saves the rotting world for his sister. I realize though that this is a long oneshot. Bleh, I was going to make it two but, whatever.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Code Geass because I would make another season with Kallen and Gino as the main characters. I'm sure we would all explode into confetti from the amount of fluff.**

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-Code Geass-

The Thoughts of One Fool to Another

By Riia

Kallen sighed as she continued to walk past the stares and ignore the whispers. She was so behind in school work that she didn't need all of these distractions around her. These people judging her for what she did and who she was. Of course she wouldn't go so far as to say that Ashford Academy was full of people like that. On the contrary, when she decided to come back here she knew it would be a while before everyone would accept her again even though the rest of the world was happily moving past the monumental changes in the country. Honestly it would have been worse anywhere else. Ashford Academy was her home even though it was a little different than before but then again so was she.

A renegade black knight, the red rose of Zero's knights, the Ace that piloted the Guren M2. Yes, she was those things and it would seem exciting on the outside, where all these people sat watching the news and hearing the names and seeing the faces but they weren't there. She was also a murderer, a cheater, a traitor, she has succumbed to the level of the pawn only meant to be used by whom ever saw it fit for her to do. By some miraculous miracle, she came out smelling like a rose yet again, all because of Lelouch.

_Lelouch. _

It was all because of you that the world is the way it is. You tricked and deceived us all. The mastermind Zero still exists but people who knew like myself and Nunnally realize it's not you merely Suzaku, someone I supposedly killed. Who else could it be. You should have known that we would figure it out but then again you knew that we would understand what the reason was.

_You fool. _

You should have seen what you put your sister through. All of us. All that sacrifice for a better world. What a naive way to look at what happened but then again I wanted to believe it too. I wanted to believe that you could change the world, that one person as amazing as you could do it, and you did.

_At first my heart hurt. _

I watched you fall from the tower and pedestal you put yourself on. I watched you die smiling, you knew what you did. You planned to die, you willingly walked into it. What a fool. At first I couldn't believe it. No not you but then again you tricked me many times.

_I was a tool, a fool too._

A fool for falling for such an idiot. Why am I such an idiot as well? Kissing you like that, stupid, you didn't kiss back. Such an idiot I was. I understand though. That doesn't make less annoying, upsetting or pathetic. I just understand, which gives me a way to move on. I am able to live because of you and your memory helps me move forward.

Which brings me back here. School yet again. Many thought that going back to school was a silly thing to do. I was apart of the biggest revolution in Britannia. I was a very important part, or so they all say but I doubt that. I was merely used. Like all of us that survived, we were just pawns meant to be used but what can I say to tell them otherwise? I could have become a knight of the round. Pbbt, what a stupid notion. Like I would do that. But sometimes I feel like I am one anyway, at least a person they look too. I wonder if you knew what you were doing?

_Did you get lost along the way like me?_

I am sure you did at some point, most likely at many points, so many terrible things happened that would deter the best of people. I would assume that you realized that you were lost like many of us were.

_But you found yourself in the end._

It was because of Nunnally right? You wanted to do it for your sister, didn't you. Just like my brother wanted to save the world for me. What an odd connection.

She calls on me from time to time you know? The leader of Britannia is a pure kind person. I can't be upset with that but I do worry about her. What a burden you placed on your little sister, Lelouch. Being the leader of a country is harder than it seems but to be honest she does it well. How could you possibly say no to such a kind and soft defenseless child like her. I guess she just uses that to her advantage, the Queen of Britannia is quite a manipulator herself. You would have been proud Lelouch, at how she can wrap anyone around her fingers. No one would dare attempt to hurt her because they would face the wrath of all who love her. That is quite an amount of people too. She has gained quite a large amount of devoted people and have their undying trust. But how could you not love such a sweet girl?

I am still angry at you for what you did. To me, to the black knights, to Suzaku, to your sister, to everyone. I still love you and hate you and everything in between but I finally have come to accept that.

_It was hard._

At first I was quite the wreck. I got very close to Nunnally because of that. We both mourned together at first for you. For a day we stayed together in a room and cried and I know my pain was nothing compared to her with losing you but I knew what it was like to lose an older brother for a cause that would have meant nothing without the sibling you loved. I was there for her but sometimes it was more like she was there for me. You were my fist love Lelouch, a love I never really got to experience. The whole time I thought, how can I be so upset about something I never really had? The next day we both picked ourselves up and functioned outside again. We had too, people looked to us for leadership for some reason or another. Actually they looked more to Nannally but she looked to me and I couldn't leave her alone. I was Zero's Ace Knight and even though I knew that it wasn't you, I knew I needed to be there for everyone to buy the lie you were selling them.

_It was impossible_

The pain in my heart hurt so much. I felt like an empty shell and put the rest of my being into helping the new queen Nunnally bring the world back together. Help the Elevens become the Japanese again and help forget about you. Once that was over or at least when I wasn't needed as much as I did before, my mother was better.

She woke up finally. I was happy again. I know I would have been more happy at that moment if you were alive again but my mother was back. I got another chance with her. Even thought the pain of losing you was impossible, I felt like I could take on the impossible with my mother by my side again. I had her even though she wasn't completely over her addiction, she was alive and lucid. I wanted to make up all the pain I caused her.

I left all the efforts to bring the previous falling apart world together to be with my mom. We live together now. I had to be there for her so I turned my attentions to my mother. Nunnally called a lot and we are such good friends now. She told me that I was always welcome to come and visit. She sounded sad so of course I agreed. I felt like I left her for my mother. Nunnally was still hurting but she told me to go. I was still lost. I hadn't accepted that the past was the past yet and I was avoiding it then. I avoided it when I was with Nunnally and I was avoiding it with my mother.

When she was much better and was working again (even though she didn't have to because I was given material "compensation" for my "efforts") I didn't have much to really do. I sort of sulked for a week. I was horrible, a shell I would say but I still called Nunnally to keep her going too. I knew what she was going through in a sense. She needed a friend to call and make sure she was ok even if I wasn't.

I had a surprising amount of calls and visits from my friends. Ougi and Viletta called on me from time to time. She is so big now! I really am happy for them. Viletta is kinder than I initially thought, of course she was the enemy then so you cant really blame me. They really are sweet together. I am happy for Ougi, he sort of became my second older brother, and it was nice to see him happy. Milly visited too, took me on shopping trips and tried to get me out of my slump. It hadn't really been that long since that event of you dying. I think it was a month but it felt like such a long time, most likely because so much was happening over such a small amount of time.

Honestly I was still lost. Everything reminded me of you. I trained to keep my body in shape but obviously that reminded me of the Black Knights which reminded me of you. Sometimes it was ridiculous things like a sandwich or something stupid like that. I would sit on a bench and remember how you looked sitting on a bench like the one I was sitting on then. Really stupid shit like that. I really am a fool. I didn't know what to do. I did what I needed to but I wasn't happy. Never really happy. I was sad. Stuck in the past, still morning for you. For the longest time you were such a large part of my life and I was still hurt from getting you ripped out of it.

I didn't stay inside thought. I didn't ignore my friends, I welcomed their problems and transitions into their new life. I needed the distraction. Sometimes I would go for Nunnally as a representative and attend meetings for things that my input would be valued but I tried to stay away from that. I didn't want to be seen in such bad shape. I was a fool, a lost tool and I didn't know what to do anymore, I didn't want to be used again.

_But I was found by someone._

Gino. He is leaning against the wall surrounded by girls. Noticing me immediately he begins to leave the crowd and begins waving cheerfully at me. He tells me with a smile that he was waiting for me to come by so we could go to class together. I couldn't help but smile back. His smile really is contagious. I haven't mentioned him yet but he really has been there for me. Somehow he is that loud cheery person that is quietly there for me, if that is even possible. He was the one that got me thinking again. Thinking about things other than you that is.

I saw him a little at first after your death. Not that that is a big deal because he is a Knight of the Round and I was hanging around Nunnally a lot at that time. We both kind of connected during all the fighting. He visited me when I was locked up waiting for you to save me like Nunnally did. He talked to me after we betrayed you, like I'm sure you planned the entire time. He saved me from a bad fall when I "defeated" Suzaku. (I did beat him thought, that is what happened, I just didn't kill him. They were pretty angry that I destroyed the Lancelot though.) But that was your plan the entire time wasn't it?

Normally we would just talk to each other for a short while, he would be kind and charming while I would stand stiff and make small talk trying not to think of you a lot in the beginning and mostly be near Nunnally and "Zero" (Suzaku). During the meetings and all, we would talk but afterwords I would be silent. He would say something to cheer me up and sometimes he did get a laugh out of me and several true smiles. At that time he became my friend.

Somehow Nunnally got me into joining her for a celebratory dance thrown for all of the positive alliances we've achieved with Japan and the calming of our world. She even got me to wear a dress. I told you she was a prime manipulator. It was nice though to see everyone there, it lifted my spirits as I am sure it lifted Nunnally's. I would have stayed by her side the entire time but she is the Queen of Britannia and I didn't want that much attention. I stayed by her for a while but left once Zero arrived by her side as her personal knight which I assume was a part of your plan too.

I talked to my friends, Milly, Ougi and Viletta a few of the other knights, the Princesses of Japan and China. It was nice to see them happy and together safe. There was something in Princess Kaguya's eyes that matched mine and I knew we would have that one thing in common and we respected each other for that.

After being talked to by many others attracted because of my reputation as well as the others that were attracted to my dress, I was exhausted. I didn't want to speak to anyone else, let alone dance with any men who had wondering hands. (I curse Milly for teaming with Nunnally to get me to wear this retched thing.) I settled for hiding out in the balcony and watch my surroundings.

After a few minuets I focused on Nunnally and Zero, watching her face and how she spoke to others around her. I found myself smiling, impressed with her social skills.

"Ah what a pretty wall flower I've come across."

"Gino! Don't do that." I spoke, trying to not appear startled and hush the blush creeping up my cheeks.

He laughed and followed my original gaze to Nunnally.

"She is doing well is she not?" he said in a suddenly serious voice.

Surprised I turned back to Nunnally and smiled softly. "Yes, quite well."

"You look very nice Kallen." he said in a way that made me feel uncomfortable for some reason.

"Well, I would prefer wearing a uniform or something of the sort instead of this." I replied hoping that was a safe subject.

"You would look beautiful either way." I turned to him eyes wide but he was looking at Zero.

I too looked at the masked person and wondered. Did Gino know that his good friend Suzaku was under that mask? He was very sad when I fought him so long ago. Should I tell him? Should I ask him? Should I ask Zero if I could tell him?

"Would you like to dance Kallen?"

I looked back to Gino's smiling face though it did not have the bright sun-like qualities it normally had, it was still very compelling. A little off balance from the question and from my own thoughts I agreed.

"How are you doing Kallen?"

"Well. My mother and I are living together finally and she is very healthy."

His smile doubled in brightness once he saw my own smile. "That's wonderful. I am glad to hear that."

We danced for a few silent seconds, the void being filled with the music in the background. His face turned thoughtful as he watched mine. "But that was not my question. How are _you _Kallen?"

"Um. I. . ." I couldn't look at his face fall.

He pulled me a little closer. "It's ok. I know it takes time to get over something like that. You're just lost right now. I understand."

"Gino. . . " I looked up at him.

He smiled down on me sadly. "I just want to see you smile more. I too know what it is like to be lost, Kallen."

I stopped breathing in his arms. He knew? How? The shock must have been evident on my face because he just laughed and hugged me, putting his chin above my head resting it there as he spoke. "We have all been lost, sometimes you have to just keep going and it will eventually lead to you figuring out you path again."

We stood motionless for a second. My mind went blank, and I screamed at myself in my mind to tell him to stop.

"Maybe you could go back to that school you used to go to? It seems like a wonderful place to find yourself again. At least it is a place to start."

_With the help of someone else._

My mind started to work again. "Gino!" I tried not to scream, because it was a public place. "Stop it!" I added as I shoved him as hard as I could but he didn't topple over probably all that knight training helped. Crossing my arms under my chest I glared at him and stomped away with him following me. It was the end of the song anyway so no one really noticed.

But because of him. . . .

_I found myself finally._

I decided to go back to Ashford Academy. I was lost before but I had to find a reason to keep going again. I couldn't stop living because you died.

_I was living because of you._

But now my reason was for my friends. I had to keep going for my mom. I couldn't stop living stop smiling because I was sad. I have to keep living because of you. What you sacrificed. I'm sad but I can be happy again. I should at least try.

_I loved you and part of me still does._

I still remember you, I still think of you Lelouch, just like I still think of my brother and Shirley. I have those memories and keep going because of all of you. I go to find happiness and to live. It's what you would want me to do. It's why you did what you did.

Now Gino is here for me. I found out the day that I got to Ashford that he goes here too. What a jerk. What a manipulating jerk. He is so annoying in his advances but for some reason...

He looks out for me. He walks me to class. He makes me laugh, and smile. We talk about everything and nothing. We meet with Nunnally and Zero. I dance with him more at those stupid parties. We train together sometimes. The more he tries to hug me and complement me the more I retaliate. He takes me to fly the Guren when I'm angry. (Sometimes because of him) I realize he is now my reason to leave in the morning. He is the reason I get up. The sun that brightens my day.

_But now I am living because of him._

"Kallen, I almost forgot! Nunnally asked me to see if you wanted to visit her today. I'll give you a ride if you want. Is that ok?" He asked after we were outside of the campus grounds walking next to each other.

I smiled and slipped my hand in his. "Sure."

He stopped dead in his tracks and his face bloomed into a large smile even for his standards. He pulled me back gently and carefully leaned in watching my reaction. We both smiled and he lightly kissed me. I realized. . . .

_I am finally happy._

I kissed back.

-Code Geass-

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**A/N: I decided to write this even though I haven't seen it in a while so forgive me if I forgot a few things from the last episode. I kinda wanted to focus on Kallen and I wanted a break from my other story for Bleach (Sides of an Angel) its getting kinda hard to write out the plot but I shall prevail! *fist in the air determined face* **

**Gino and Kallen are my fav pairing for Code Geass so I might write another oneshot for them eventually. This is a nice distraction. Reviews make me get better at writing, good and bad. I hope you all enjoyed it! **

**Riia**


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